Hey everybody (who still bothers to watch me...)
I'm so very sorry for my lack of absence...but I really haven't been in the mood to draw or write lately.
A lot has been going on lately, and mostly it's due to the fact that I am kind of forced to move
out of my house.
My parents dropped a bombshell on me; We are going to move to the U.K.
They always vaguely mentioned when they wanted to retire, they wanted to move there...but with my aunt from the states also moving to the U.K...they kind of decided to go do it this year or whatever.
I am happy for them really, but for me.....It's an absolute disaster.
For the past five years I've been struggling to get a job, a full-time job.
With this recession going on, and the lack of jobs for people my age....I just couldn't move out on my own.
I desperately wanted to...because my parents (mostly my step dad though.) just LOVE to use me as their little slave.
Always somebody around to clean their crap out, always somebody around to wait for packages, for a painter....always someone convenient for them. But I'm not allowed to complain, because "I get stuff for free", so I never win any debate...and I continue to clean their mess up for them, I don't mind too much, I like cleaning and cooking....but still, It's not a great feeling to be used.
I've been having a part-time-job so far, and I decided to study further to become a Veterinarian assistant.....but there isn't a job market for this job either. And now I'm forced to find a full-time job, which I KNOW I can't have...because there aren't any job's available.
They know this, they know this so well....but alas, their own happiness is more important I suppose?
I keep looking, even for other jobs....but it's always the same: too old, too little experience...this person is just a little bit better then you.
I know I can't get one for now...and that's why I live in stress and fear.
And everybody around me loves to pressure my boyfriend as well, he's almost done with his education...and has a little bit of a better chance then I do...but I hate how my own family just expects him to take care of me?
I don't want that...I want to be able to take care of myself...but I can't even get a full-time job...so I have to rely on him, and it makes me feel sick to my stomach.
I'm constantly angry, and cold...I don't want to spend time with friends...because I just don't have the money for it....I need to save up, so I don't really have anybody to talk to.
Well...I do....I shouldn't lie....lot's of people care about me, but I don't feel like anybody understands me, and....nobody CAN really help me, besides the employers to hire me. So I'm in this circle of sadness: Need job to live properly-> nobody wants to hire me -> I wont have a house soon -> because I need a job to live properly.
I don't even expect to live in a big house or something, an apartment is fine...but geez....living near a city is expensive....but all the work is in the city D: >
My dad has found a job in Milton Keynes, and they plan to move their in August....
I'm so scared to be homeless...I mean I can live with my parents-in-law...but I don't want that because they live in the middle of nowhere so I'd have to pay a lot of commuting money, which means I can't save up
Please don't think badly of me when I don't talk to you/contact you....I just have a lot on my mind and I can't help other people until I helped myself, and I'm sorry for the long rant...
I'm scared about the situation...but I'm also scared how this is affecting my personality...because I'm so cold towards people who just want to try and help me...and I feel terrible about it.
Maybe for now, I just want to be left alone...
yours truly, Fonny